Twenty seven

Let's start the year with a sad tone.

Don't you know baby
I've been having trouble sleeping lately
Sleeping two to three hours maybe
Cause of my neverending anxiety
Keeps haunting me
Everything I do I have to think evidently 
Yet everything I think kept screaming at me

Baby
We both came in this reality
Different wombs different identity
Different lives different mentality
Why can't you see
The only thing that we hold constantly
Is trying to stand independently 
Not to hustle any
Only our own energy

Baby
I miss you and you miss me
Writing this poem calms me
Because I want to think wisely
To choose the form of words carefully
Trying not to hurt your feelings baby

Everyday I wish for my death
Everyday I wish for your kiss
And I thought of you in every breath
And I thought of you in every bliss
Mind the vow that gradually fades
Not to leave each other
Not to destroy our rapture
Not to maim my figure
Not to hurt my lover
It's been years but felt like decades

I never told you about my pain
Since it's fucking hard to explain
I can't describe the things I do
It's hard to translate especially to you
The things I think about
The things I spoke about
And the things I dreamt about
I never told you the agony I kept
The fear I felt
The misery I pet
I let it get into my head
Crying on my bed
Over and over again
I wonder
Why does death felt so near
Yet so far
Like a door waiting to be closed
Left ajar

I wanted to die so I couldn't hurt you anymore
I wanted to die because there's nothing to be miserable for
I wanted to die so you don't have me on your memory core
I wanted to die because I can't make you happy like I did before
I wanted to die so I can close the door

3:48 a.m
- wolf